You might think that title is obvious, as I voluntarily write a blog. I started this blog, however, as a way to continue to stay a well-rounded human being. As a student, especially a graduate student, writing and reflection are automatic actions. If you can't put your thoughts into words, you are done. Similarly, those thoughts have to show insight, tact, and intelligence. You can't simply scribble on intelligently, you need to show growth and progress. In school this growth and progress was measured in semesters; where you were at the beginning of the course as compared to where you ended up during finals. (Ending up with finals is never a good place, however.) In short, I felt I need to reflect more, so I started up a blog as I started up a new chapter of my life.
Up until now, I have not had any great epiphanies. As you can see from my blogging, I am not all that interesting. My yoga journal failed dismally. My most recent post was about how I could find nothing to write about. I started thinking: maybe I am not a writer, nor a reflector.
Yesterday, (cue chimes), I was working on an online tutoring script. I have a big meeting coming up next week in which my boss and I are going to present online tutoring to the Online Policy Commission here at UWM. I am responsible for the technical parts of the presentation, as well as the actual demonstration. To prepare, I was writing out a script that we, a fellow tutor and I, could use as a blueprint. Here is the exciting part: I really liked writing this script. I was pulling information from the various scripts I study from sessions every week. I had also written the sample paper and assignment and I felt like I could imagine myself as the tutor and as the writer of the assignment (maybe even the instructor). As odd as it sounds, I actually got lost in writing this script for over an hour. (Of course, I just submitted it to my boss this morning, so we shall see if I remain this giddy about it). I got lost in the dialogue and back-and-forth conversation between the tutor and the tutee.
I truly enjoyed that hour of work. I remembered back to 6th grade, the last time I really got caught up in writing a story with characters and plotlines. Although I dabbled in a few fiction courses in college, I stuck to poetry and to creative non-fiction. Looking back (warning, here I am doing that reflecting I set out to do), I don't think I wanted to lose myself in other characters and so I never wrote short stories. I wanted other writers and classmates to do the work for me, to provide me with stories and novels, but I wanted to remain at a distance writing pretentious poetry and reflecting solely on my (great) life.
Truly, I used to want to be a writer and novelist. I loved reading (I still do) and I loved writing. I really wanted to write the next To Kill a Mockingbird. Now, I think I just want write, something. Maybe this blog will do, or maybe I will fire up a word document and lose myself in a character - perhaps an online tutor! I don't have a new, life-clarifying goal. I am not going to drop everything and become a writer and scribble away at the Great American Novel. I am, however, already a writer and I will try to do it a bit more often.